I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I deserve this hangover.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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