You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
