Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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