dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
