I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
