my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
