honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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