What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
