Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
