I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
