To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
