I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize