Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
