I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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