He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
