he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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