the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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