You smell like a Billy Joel song
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
