Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
