i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
