Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
