U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He felt like a one man threesome
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
