Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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