Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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