Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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