Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
