she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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