Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
