my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
