just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
