Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
