I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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