he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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