btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
