GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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