Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
