I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
