I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
