Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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