No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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