I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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