If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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