Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(952): View more from Minnesota

i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis

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(612): View more from Minnesota

So do you want to come over? ;)

(763): View more from Minnesota

Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.

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(518): View more from New York

I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.

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(970): View more from Colorado

i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen

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(513): View more from Ohio

I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?

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(651): View more from Minnesota

No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.

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(802): View more from Vermont

Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.

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