I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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