I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
