So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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