Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
