Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
