I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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