if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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