these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
