i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
