you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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