well you can't waste a boner
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
