Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
