All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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