I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Randomize
