The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
