An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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