girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize